This page shares part of my personal journey with neurodiversity, and how it has shaped the way I live, work, and guide others. It is not offered as a model or explanation, but as context for the lens through which I approach embodiment, pacing, and care.
I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 29, a moment that brought language and coherence to a much longer journey of embodiment, illness, and recovery. The diagnostic process was thorough and going through the interviews, tests and psycho-education led to an inner inquiry. After nearly 30 years it was hard to discern what belonged to me, and what was a mask that I adopted in order to (try to) function in the world. I approached the diagnosis with curiosity, and experimented with behaviours. For example: the stereotypical rocking of the upper body as a stim (a self-stimulating behaviour that is repetitive in nature). What would actively adopting a stim like this do for my self-expression, or self-regulation, and emotional state? I realised how different my inner experience was from my outward composure. I could seem calm and collected, but experience a raging fire running through my veins, a feeling that could get an outlet through adopting stims.
The inner inquiry that followed the diagnosis came with gigantic liberation, but also with intense loss and grief. The life I had built based on my pre-diagnosis identity was one I loved, even when it burned me out and cost a lot of work. Additionally, I had to overcome fear of abandonment, being judged and finding acceptance in being different. Everything changed, and pre-diagnosis, change was something I actively tried to avoid. Rigidly managing my environmental circumstances to have a sense of control. I had to re-discover who I was, what I liked, and what I needed. I had to navigate a crumbling of my life as I knew it, while feeling incredibly incapable and overwhelmed.
Years before my autism diagnosis, my body had already begun asking for a different kind of listening. A serious car accident in 2016, during a period of burnout and an eating disorder, marked the beginning of my journey into embodiment. What started as recovery gradually became an inquiry into how my body holds stress, adapts, and communicates its limits.
In 2021, when I fell ill at work with deep fatigue, later understood as long covid, and entered treatment for suicidal depression, my system reached a point of collapse. It was during this period that I was assessed for autism. That diagnosis did not start the work, but it brought coherence to everything that had come before. In the years that followed, earlier lessons began to integrate, trauma started to heal, and my relationship with capacity, rest, and attunement fundamentally shifted.
Over time, there was no way back. As different layers began to integrate, it felt as if a veil had been lifted, and the liberation I experienced made the struggles of this process worth it. To indicate the significance of understanding how your brain works, I often use an analogy:
It’s like having unique hardware but using incompatible software and an overpowered energy supply. My brain is designed to function differently, but the software and power I was given didn’t match, causing my system to overload and burn out.
To leave the computer analogy and turn towards brains: Having a neurodivergent brain means that the developmental curve is different from what is typical, from what the world expects of you. In some aspects, the neurodivergent brain is a powerhouse and much faster than typical. In other aspects, the neurodivergent brain is slower, or misses skills. Brains are plastic, and how they shape is highly depended on the interactions with the environment. But what if the world is not attuned to your pace? In my experience, this misattunement is traumatic and causes brain development to stagnate. As I unmasked and started to attune more and more to the needs of my brain, space opened up to heal all those ruptures. It felt as if I journeyed through my entire lifetime, ‘picking up’ and ‘updating’ very young parts to the here-and-now.
As I healed, the capacity to learn and engage with the world increased. I got more and more grip on my ‘user manual’, and learned how to treat myself and engage with the world in such a way that it worked for everyone involved. I found community and felt the power of having like-minded people around as the default: this saved so much energy! I got to integrate my highly analytical brain with my hypersensitive body and now use my strengths to empower others in their journeys to wholehearted value-based lives. Are you ready to develop the tools that will help you bring your superpowers into the world in an attuned and balanced way? And will you join me on this journey? There is no single way to enter this work. Some people choose to reach out directly. Others first find their way into the work through a workshop or shared space. You’re welcome to follow what feels right.